Anatomy of a chunder session

"You know how many emails I've sent in my life? Maybe eight."

My old friend Woody said that to me in all seriousness while we were sipping cocktails during the afternoon at Morning Star Beach. I laughed at first but I could tell he wasn't joking.

That's why I'm sure he will never see these photos. Well, he would never fall upon them. Someone in our circle is bound to tell him. He may get mad for a second and then he'll laugh. Then, he won't talk to me for like 2 years. It's all good.

OK, so let's begin...

Here's a nice shot of Woody sipping on some whiskey while we hung out on the balcony from Tavern on the Waterfront. A friend was bartending and she was pouring some stiff drinks. By the way, it's Woody's birthday. He was turning 30.

Later on in the night, my old friend decides he wants to lively up the joint at Caribbean Saloon so he proceeds to shotgun a can of Red Bull. I have never seen this attempted before. Remember, the man is turning 30 and he insisted to be at the bar at midnight to celebrate.

So we made it to Iggies Beach Bar and there's really no one out at this point. It's approaching midnight on a Tuesday night. We're sipping drinks and no one really wants to take a shot at midnight but Woody continues to battle.

Now we've all seen this before. After taking back a tall shot of warm Jameson, he straightens up and hopes the Irish whiskey will comfortably find a home in his belly. This man is a drinking veteran. Will his 30-year-old body hold up?

Another tactic I've seen used before. So the shot didn't go down the right pipe, huh? Go ahead and take a swig from your other liquor drink for a chaser. That will surely help.

And we have liftoff! Woody finally gives in and starts to puke in an empty plastic cup. His girlfriend puts her hand on his back to comfort him and shield him from bartender ridicule. I screamed for him to "Puke on the bar! Do it!!!" so every patron was now looking at this 30-year-old man celebrate his birthday with a midnight shot.

It sounds gross but he didn't actually blow chuncks. Basically, the Jameson shot found its way back up. The bartenders heard my rant and yelled for Woody to puke on the beach and not on the bar. He desperately walked over to the beach with his girlfriend in tow but didn't give the dramatic chunder performance everyone had hoped for.

Since he managed to keep the rest of his stomach's contents in his body, he walked back to bar with his hands raised like he had prevailed. The applause was minimal.

Happy 21st -- ehh, I mean 30th -- Birthday, Woody. You are, indeed, a king among men.

Restaurant Review -- Tavern On The Waterfront

My girlfriend is an amazing cook so I guess you can call her a foodie. I don't like that word but when I typed in "person who frequents restaurants" into dictionary.com, it came up with zero references.

She actually doesn't like to eat out that much because she feels she can cook better than most professionals. I can attest to this.

Anyway, I'm getting off the subject. We do eat out from time to time and I felt it would add a little spice (no pun intended) to the blog if I start to critique the fine eating establishments around St. Thomas. There can't be more than like 35 so if I hit one a week and share my analysis with you, the reader, then everyone wins. Right?

OK. Here goes.

Restaurant Review #1 -- Tavern On The Waterfront

I found out last week that our friend, Julie, just started to work at Tavern and it sits close by to a favorite happy-hour spot, the Big Kahuna Rum Shack, so we decided to try it out.

Brianna, my girlfriend, actually had lunch there before and already had pretty high reviews for it.

It's right on Veteran's Drive and is perched on the second floor across the street from the waterfront (hence, the name). When it comes to successful restaurants on St. Thomas, it's all about location and this one sits almost in the epicenter of cruise boat tourist central.

As we walked up the stairs, I read that they have a 2 for 1 drink special EVERYDAY except Fridays. You have to sit at the bar for the special but that tidbit of info had me smiling before I even entered the door.

The dining room was mostly empty but it was 5:30 p.m. and there was only one cruise boat in port that day. The bar, however, was almost at capacity with muffled afternoon boozers.

Before our friendly server Melanie seated us -- we later learned Julie only works the lunch shift -- I got a good view of the place. White cloth tables, gentle jazz music playing in the background and a table right next to the window waiting for us.

I snapped a primitive photo with my iPhone of the restaurant after the bar emptied out. It's a little fuzzy but Slav, the owner, is behind the bar. Great guy.


They had an extensive wine menu that we did not fall victim to. Instead, we each ordered ice water so we could maximize the taste and complexion of the food.

Wow. Did you hear that? Like I'm some kind of food critic or something. Hilarious.

My baby recommended the Polish Perogis -- she had ordered them before -- for an appetizer and we decided not to get them with bacon. Brianna doesn't dig on swine anymore.

They arrived with sour cream on the side and with caramelized onions draped across them. Of course, they were piping hot and I burned my mouth because I was hungry and I could not wait.

After glancing over the menu, which was a little on the expensive side, I opted for the special that Melanie described to me for my entree. It was a rib eye steak, with scallops, mashed potatoes and mixed veggies. Does it get any better?


I didn't find out until the check came that it cost $32. The N.Y. Strip on their menu was $28. Now I'm not going to get into an argument about the different kinds of steaks and how they're cut so save that for another time.

I ordered it cooked medium and it came out perfectly. The bourbon sauce they poured all over it made the meal. The scallops were a little small but tasty. Mashed potatoes did the job and the veggies were on point.

Brianna order the Fruit & Berry Salad and she was quite pleased.


It had a big chunk of fried goat cheese and was surrounded with diced strawberries and green apples. She surrendered a taste and it was one of the best salads I've had since I've been on island. I don't know if that says a lot.

It was the clean plate club, as usual, and we were too full for dessert unfortunately. Slav, the owner, came by our table during the meal to chat. He told us that they have an open mic night on Fridays and that's why they don't do the drink special.

He said last week a 15-year-old got up on the stage and impressed the crowd. Slav said it was some of the best jazz he's heard and invited him back. Will I be in attendance? Tough to say.

But I will come back for the food. Good service. Great presentation and it all happened within a comfortable setting.

Final grade: B+