Thursday, May 26, 2011

"Aaron Gray" is awesome

Facebook is a funny thing.

I remember when I had just graduated college in 2003 and my girlfriend at the time -- she was still in college -- wouldn't stop talking about this facebook thing that was conquering campuses across the country.

"Whatever? You think you're so cool?" I would say. "I'm older than you so therefore, I know more than you. MySpace for life!"

Yea, the whole MySpace thing sort of fizzled out. Or is it still going on? I'm not sure.

Anyway, back to my story.

Fast forward eight years later. About nine ga-zillion people in the world -- myself included -- now rock the facebook.

My younger brother gave me the idea and I acted on it quickly. For no particular reason, I decided to befriend every single "Aaron Gray" I could find on facebook and I was surprised to find out there were hundreds. My "Send Friend Request" mouse click thumb started to get sore so I capped it around 50.

Maybe it was the cut of my jib, but for some odd reason, these random people (who I shared the same name with) started to confirm the friend requests. A small chatter started on my wall and the idea of all the Aaron Grays in the world becoming friends seemed genius.

There was even talk about creating a Fan Page entitled "Men Who Have The Best Name In The World." It was comical.

I said we have to get the NBA player named Aaron Gray involved and if he signed on, then it would be a success.

One of the Aaron Grays: "Wait, there's a guy in the NBA with our name?"

Right then, I knew I was dealing with amateur hour.

Who in their right mind has not googled their own name? C'mon. What are you trying to prove? That you're too cool for google?

No offense to all my new AG friends, but I have been battling with that no-talent ass clown -- the NBA player -- for supremacy atop google searches for years. Go ahead. Type in "Aaron Gray" into google and see what happens.

Sadly enough, the basketball player reigns supreme. There's a blog post about his alleged girlfriend right before my LinkedIn account. If you scroll to the seventh page, an article I wrote last fall for the Virgin Islands Daily News finally appears.

Basically, I'm annoyed with him. Ever since he was a prep star coming out of Pittsburgh (you can tell how long this Internet rivalry has been going on), NBA Aaron and myself have been doing battle. I despise him. But I do like his name.

Now, a few days and about 16 Aaron Gray friendships later, I can't scroll my news feed without being inundated by Aaron Gray news. Remember, I don't know these people. We just share the same name.

Eventually, I started to block them all out of my facebook. I was starting to get confused. It was a social experiment gone awry and now I feel like a jackass.

But if one certain Aaron Gray ever decides to contact or befriend me, I will do more than listen. I will challenge him to a one-on-one basketball battle and the loser will have to remove his name from the Internet forever.

You hear me, you no-talent ass clown? I'm talking to you! I'm the king!!

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