Best bumper sticker ever

I was at the last comedy show put on by the St. Thomas Sport and Social Club and right after I spit out some of my beer from laughing -- yes, it really happened -- a friend tapped me on the shoulder to say hello.

It was Patrick Dow and I hadn't seen him since a blurry boat trip to Hans Lollik a few months back. We've chatted a few times on facebook (I heard that's what all the kids are doing these days) and we shared a vested interest in a certain bumper sticker that had been circulating through the Misfits on St. Thomas.

We promised to alert the other if one of us discovered it. My friend Bobbi has the same sticker on her refrigerator. To this day, it's one of the best ways to describe this backwards island.


Apparently, there is a guy who hangs out at Island Time Pub in Red Hook and sells them for $4 a pop. I saw them on sale for the first time at the annual Chilli Cookoff, but a quickly-approaching tropical storm prevented me from reaching into my wallet and brandishing actual currency.

Patrick: "Yea, I bought like 10 of them if you want one."

Me: "Let me get this straight, you dropped $40 on stickers? What are you in the fourth grade? Are you going to put them on your Trapper Keeper?"

Patrick: "Leave the jokes to the professionals, ass. And try not to spit up your beer next time you hear a good one."

Comedy on the rock

I drank just the right amount of Robotussin to counter a mounting head cold last weekend. It momentarily cured what ailed me and made me a little giddy for the St. Thomas Sport and Social Club's stand-up comedy show at Tillet Gardens.

Went to the Saturday show expecting it to be better than the Friday. I'm smart like that.

Bought "premiere seating" and when I arrived with my lovely girlfriend, and three other friends, we found our way to the front row. We were so close, we could see one of the performers tremble when no one laughed at her jokes.

It was a hilarious event. And living on a rock, hilarious events don't come around too often. Big ups to Joey Trattner, Mandy Kenton and all the others who put on the show. I think it was a success and there are more shows planned in the coming months.

It was great to see local people I've seen in passing -- bartenders, boat captains, bar flies -- get up there and nail it. My homie, Leigh Goldman, was the MC and he looked great. Even after he shaved half of his head at the Friday show...

The headliners were pretty good, too. The first guy had an immediate douche rating because he wore a white sport coat. He turned out to be a total douche when he opened his mouth. The last guy was a short, bald guy with alien ears and he was hysterical.

I had to sip a little Robotussin to get right that night but that final comedian had been partying since he landed on the rock. Apparently, drugs are inexpensive here. I wouldn't know.