"A fart in the wind"

That's right, us tough Caribbean bastards chewed up Hurricane Earl and spit him right back out. But before he left, he politely made sure to leave a couple inches of rain, a few downed trees and power lines and many frustrated citizens without power.

Our homestead only lost power for about 15 hours or so. We're located near the hospital so we got the "hook up" around 9 a.m. this morning. After the lights came back on, I flushed the toilet for no particular reason and made sure to enjoy ice cubes with my morning milk.

It made me laugh today because my boy Nick is the properties manager at a building just outside of Washington D.C. and his whole sector was without power for three whole days following a "summer storm" last month. What is that anyway? A summer storm? And what the hell does a properties manager do?

Let me quickly introduce you to Hurricane Earl. He likes pepperoni pizza, staying up late and long walks on the beach. You better get to know him soon because he's about to crash the party at my old stomping grounds -- the Outer Banks, N.C. -- in a matter of days. He's supposed to cruise up the coast from there pummeling the Northeast along the way.

So to all you state-siders: Enjoy! The USVI was like Earl's J.V. soccer game before the main event. And he's not going to pull any punches.

The eye of the storm came within 65 miles of St. Thomas and from what I've gathered from talking to the pros, we dodged a bullet...

"I've been here for 27 years and after Hurricane Hugo, every other storm that comes through here looks like a fart in the wind," said a high school basketball coach I was talking to today about a totally unrelated manner.

The storm is supposed to grow in strength before it makes its U.S. landfall. And then, when that happens, I'll be that annoying jackass on facebook asking stupid questions like "I heard you guys are supposed to get a hurricane or something like that, is that true?"

My parents were in Corolla, N.C. today to celebrate their wedding anniversary. Mother said lines at the grocery store were long and hurricane mania was spreading fast.

That's right, America. Be afraid. Let the fear consume you.